Supporting someone in the middle of a panic attack can feel frightening and urgent. You might worry about saying the wrong thing or feel helpless as you watch someone you care about struggle to breathe or speak. Having practical, compassionate skills ready can make a real difference.
This guide shares clear, humane tips for helping someone through a panic attack without overwhelming them or yourself. You will learn what a panic attack feels like from the inside, how to recognize the signs, step-by-step actions to take, phrases that help, what to avoid, and how to look after both of you afterward.
What a panic attack feels like to them?
To support someone well, it helps to understand what a panic attack is. Physically, it is a surge of the body's fight or flight response, often without a clear external danger. The heart races, breathing speeds up, and adrenaline floods the system, so everything feels urgent and unsafe.
Many people describe feeling like they are about to die, lose control, or faint. Symptoms can include chest pain, shaking, dizziness, sweating, and a sense of being detached from reality. The experience is often so intense that people end up in emergency departments, convinced they are having a heart attack. According to the Mayo Clinic, panic attacks typically peak within minutes, though the emotional aftershock can linger much longer.
Emotionally, the person may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid that others will judge them. They might apologize repeatedly, try to hide what is happening, or fear they are “going crazy.” Your job is not to fix the panic instantly, but to offer safety, calm presence, and respect.
How to recognize a panic attack in the moment?
Panic attacks can look different from person to person, but there are common signs. Noticing them early allows you to respond before the fear fully escalates.
Physical signs often include rapid breathing or hyperventilation, clutching at the chest, trembling, sweating, or feeling very hot or very cold. The person may complain of chest tightness, nausea, or feeling faint. They might say their heart is pounding or that they cannot catch their breath.
Behaviorally, you might see them become very still or very restless. They could pace, fidget, or look for exits. Some people freeze and stare, others cry or repeat phrases like “I cannot do this” or “Something is wrong.” The notes that these episodes often come on suddenly, even in otherwise safe situations.
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If you suspect a medical emergency, such as severe chest pain with risk factors for heart disease, do not hesitate to seek urgent care. When symptoms fit known panic patterns for this person, your calm, nonjudgmental reassurance becomes especially valuable.
Step-by-step tips for helping someone through a panic attack
When a panic attack hits, think in simple steps: safety, connection, grounding, and time. You are not trying to outsmart the panic, only to help their nervous system settle.
Check for safety and ask permission. Gently ask, “Are you okay if I stay with you?” or “Do you want help right now?” Respecting consent helps them feel more in control.
Offer a calm anchor. Keep your voice steady and low. Speak slowly. Your regulated nervous system can help theirs, even if you say very little.
Guide gentle breathing, if they are ready. Invite, do not demand: “Can we try a slower breath together?” Then model a slow inhale through the nose and a long exhale through the mouth. Aim for slightly longer exhales, which can help calm the body.
Use simple grounding. Ask them to notice specific things: “Can you tell me three things you can see?” Grounding uses the senses to bring attention back from catastrophic thoughts to the present.
Normalize and reassure. Remind them that what they are feeling is intense but temporary: “This will pass. You have gotten through this before.” That reminder can soften the fear of losing control.
If you want a more detailed walkthrough of in-the-moment techniques, you might like this a detailed in-the-moment guide to stopping a panic attack(/blog/how-to-help-someone-stop-panic-attack-in-the-moment), which expands on grounding and breathing strategies.
What to say and what to avoid?
Words matter during a panic attack. The right phrases can create psychological safety, while the wrong ones can accidentally increase shame or fear.
Helpful things to say focus on presence, validation, and collaboration. For example:
“I am here with you. You are not alone.”
“I believe you. This feels really scary.”
“Can we ride this wave together for a few minutes?”
These phrases emphasize that you can handle their feelings, that their experience is real, and that you are a partner, not a boss. They support a sense of shared control.
Try to avoid dismissive or pressuring statements such as “Calm down,” “There is nothing to be afraid of,” or “You are overreacting.” Even if meant kindly, these messages can make someone feel misunderstood or weak. The American Psychological Association notes that validating the emotional experience, rather than arguing with it, often helps people move through episodes more quickly.
Instead of promising “You will be fine,” you might say, “This feels awful, and I am staying with you until it eases.” Subtle shifts like this acknowledge both the real distress and the realistic hope that the attack will pass.
Aftercare: supporting recovery and your own wellbeing
Once the most intense wave of panic has eased, many people feel exhausted, shaky, or emotionally raw. This aftermath is an important time for gentle aftercare, not analysis or criticism.
Ask what they need: water, a quieter space, fresh air, or simply silence. Offer options rather than instructions, which supports their sense of agency: “Would you like to sit down or walk a bit?” If they are open to it, you might later talk together about early warning signs or coping strategies that helped.
You can also explore other resources together, such as practical tips for coping with panic attacks in the moment(/blog/how-to-cope-with-panic-attacks-in-the-moment) or information about panic disorder from trusted health organizations like the NHS. If attacks are frequent, encouraging them to talk with a mental health professional can be a caring move rather than a criticism.
Do not forget your own capacity. Supporting someone in crisis uses emotional energy, even if you care deeply. Take a few minutes later to check in with your body, notice your own feelings, and use simple grounding or relaxation practices if you need them. Your ongoing wellbeing will make it easier to show up again next time.
When to seek professional or emergency help?
Most panic attacks, while extremely distressing, are not life threatening. Still, there are times when professional or emergency help is necessary, either for the person having the attack or for your own peace of mind.
Seek urgent medical care if the person has sudden chest pain, difficulty breathing that does not improve, confusion, severe headache, or if symptoms are very different from their typical panic episodes. It is better to have a doctor rule out physical problems than to assume everything is psychological.
Outside of crisis moments, encourage ongoing support if attacks are frequent, unpredictable, or severely limiting daily life. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy and certain medications can be highly effective for panic disorder. Framing professional help as a strength-based choice rather than a sign of failure can reduce stigma and increase the likelihood of follow-through.
If you are often the “go to” support person, you might also benefit from learning more about anxiety management, setting boundaries, and practicing your own coping skills. Long term, shared knowledge and support can lower the intensity of future episodes for everyone involved.
Conclusion
Being present with someone in a panic attack is an act of quiet courage. You do not need perfect words or advanced training, only a few steady, respectful skills and a willingness to stay. Understanding what panic feels like from the inside, recognizing the signs early, and using simple grounding and breathing can help their nervous system remember that the danger is a false alarm.
Over time, combining these in-the-moment supports with professional help, education, and self-care can reduce the frequency and impact of attacks for you both. If you would like structured guidance between episodes, you might explore Ube, an iOS and Android AI mental health chatbot designed to ease stress and anxiety with breathing/coherence and meditation exercises.
FAQ
What are the first steps when someone starts having a panic attack?
Stay with them, speak calmly, and ask if they want help. Focus on safety, slow breathing, and simple grounding instead of long explanations or problem solving.
What are the best tips for helping someone through a panic attack if I feel anxious too?
Keep your own breathing slow, use short reassuring phrases, and lean on very simple steps. It is okay to say, “I feel nervous too, but I am here with you.”
How long do panic attacks usually last?
Most panic attacks peak within 10 minutes and fade within 20 to 30, though fatigue and worry can last longer. Gentle support and quiet time afterward help the body reset.
What should I avoid doing when supporting a panic attack?
Avoid saying “Calm down” or arguing with their fear. Do not force eye contact, touch, or breathing exercises if they say no, and avoid criticizing how they are coping.
How can I remember tips for helping someone through a panic attack in the moment?
Think of three words: stay, slow, and ground. Stay with them, slow your voice and breathing, and ground with simple sensory prompts like naming things they can see or feel.
When is it time to involve a professional for recurring panic attacks?
If attacks are frequent, unpredictable, or limiting work, relationships, or daily activities, encourage a visit with a mental health professional to explore treatment options and ongoing support.
